Go Dutch

LARIAT NEWS FEATURE
Feb. 13, 2009
By Claire Moncla and Rachel Rutledge
Reporters

Valentine's Day is a very important holiday to many college students. With the barrage of commercials advertising chocolates, flowers and happy couples, it is easy to become self absorbed. However, foreign views on dating and weddings may put Valentine's Day in perspective.

Relationships in The Netherlands differ from the United States in theory and practice. In the United States, especially among college students, casual dating is becoming an accepted practice. But it is not common in Dutch culture.

"Dating is more conservative here," Casey O'Dell, a Baylor alumna who now works for the University of Maastricht, said. "It's serial dating, not casual dating."

O'Dell came to The Netherlands in January 2004 as a graduate assistant in the Baylor in Maastricht program. Her introduction to Dutch dating was startling when she realized that after one date, a couple was considered to be boyfriend and girlfriend. She eventually warmed to the idea after meeting Jerome Spronken, a Dutch student, and married him in June 2005.

A reverse example of O'Dell and Spronken, is the relationship between Atticus Mullikin, an American, and Nathalie Ummels, his Dutch wife, who both work at the University of Maastricht. Mullikin surprised Ummels by proposing after three weeks of knowing her. Mullikin broke the social norm by asking Ummels to marry him before properly meeting the family, which is normally a necessity in Dutch culture.

The Dutch also have different views on marriage. Weddings in America are grand occasions that require months, if not a year of planning and large amounts of money to celebrate the union.

In The Netherlands, weddings are a visual expression of the legal formality of marriage.

"It's not as romanticized," O'Dell said.

Because of this view, couples usually live together for several years to confirm compatibility in all areas of life before marrying each other.

"People do everything you do when you're married before they get married," Mullikin said.

This may include having children and buying a house.

The actual ceremony of marriage in The Netherlands is unlike the American ceremony as well because they have two of them.

"Civil and religious ceremonies are equally important here," Mullikin said.

Most couples sign a prenuptial agreement stating intentions while married and if separated.

"It's a very Dutch thing to cover all of your bases," Ummels said.

Though the Dutch do have receptions, the American practice of having lavish receptions with numerous guests and expensive cuisine would not be found in The Netherlands.

"Debt is not an issue here, especially not for weddings," O'Dell said.

Couples save money for their wedding, which is why many wait until they are in their 30s to marry.

Insight into the practicality of Dutch relationships and weddings puts Valentine's Day into a less superficial perspective.

"There is more room to have a close-knit relationship here; you can really enjoy being together," Mullikin said.

American couples can learn important lessons from Dutch culture. The most important aspect of Valentine's Day is not fancy cards, flowers, lavish receptions and expensive dresses; it is relationships, no matter the country or custom.